Guilty Feelings
by SocratesOfAthens
Summary: Percabeth oneshot. Set after Giant War. Does not include what's happened in Trials Of Apollo (if you know you know.) Everything's great, but Percy is feeling guilty and he's been having some bad dreams. Annabeth tries to help him through it. I'm horrible at making descriptions, but give it a read, will you? Its not very long.


**DISCLAIMER:** I am not Rick Riordan, and as such, do not own PJO.

This weird feeling.

It has been a peaceful few months, well, about as peaceful as it can get for a son of the Big Three. Annabeth is living with me in New York so she can work on Olympus, and goes to high school with me at Goode High.

Annabeth and I are going steady, and I wanted to spend to spend as much time kissing her as I could. Unfortunately, she had other ideas, and we _always_ do Annabeth's ideas. Her idea of spending time together consists of studying for the DSTOMP, and SAT for admission to New Rome University, and preparing me for university level courses. I find it ridiculous that I still have to do all the tests and applications to New Rome University, as if it weren't for Terminus and me, there wouldn't be a Camp Jupiter university to attend to.

At the end of the day, Wise Girl is always right, and if it weren't for her helping me, there's no _way_ I'd be able to go to university. Under her tutelage, I got a 1450/1600 on my SAT, which I am quite proud of. I recently wrote my DSTOMP, but haven't received any word on whether I passed it or not.

My detention supervisor spoke, breaking my train of thought "Percy, you may leave now, no more bathroom funny business, are we clear?" some of the other students snickered and I felt my face redden a couple of shades. "We're clear." I nodded curtly and left for home.

Just to clarify, I didn't actually do anything, it was a couple of Telekhines trying to kill me that missed their club strikes and destroyed the plumbing. But when the janitor walks in and sees a pile of dust, wrecked toilets, and me holding a bat (Riptide, but the mist covered it), naturally he makes all the wrong conclusions.

I walked into my apartment and Annabeth was standing there with a huge grin on her face, which I was happy about, normally she just punches me when I get detention. Then she held up a letter and told me that I had passed the DSTOMP. She peppered me with kisses and hugs. "I am so proud of you Seaweed Brain!" She squealed and I hugged her, but didn't feel quite as happy as I thought I would feel. I felt a small lump forming in my throat, or as Annabeth had called it, the Globulus Sensation. No more studying for tests, admission to New Rome University with Annabeth, I should've been over the moon. Annabeth definitely was.

We had dinner and talked about building a future together. We had it all planned out. We were talking about how we would go to New Rome, get our degrees, I'd become a marine biologist and she'd become an architect. Then we would move together to San Francisco, California and buy a nice house in the suburbs. Annabeth would start her architectural firm, and I would do research as a marine biologist on the Pacific Ocean. We would have Mrs. O'Leary as our pet, two kids, a boy and a girl, and make them the strongest and smartest demigods of the millennia. We lay together on the couch and Annabeth's head rested on my chest, while I played with her curly honey blond locks, talking and laughing until Hypnos put us to sleep.

I had nightmares, but they weren't regular demi god nightmares of monsters attacking, or important foreshadowing about the future, they were my worst memories. Tonight it was the Battle of the Labyrinth. Annabeth, Grover and I had rushed to Camp Half Blood after Daedalus told us that Luke had found him first, and Kronos' forces were about to attack camp. I had found Daedalus too late, and by the time I returned to Camp Half Blood, the battle was in full swing, and the future of Camp Half Blood looked bleak.

Empousai and Hellhounds were on the frontlines and I sprinted to go kill them when Lee Fletcher ran up to me, telling me to do something about Kampe, who was killing any demigod in her sight. I rushed over and shouted "Kampe, I'm going to send you back to Tartarus!"

Her venomous green eyes landed on me, a cruel sneer on her face. I looked at her and knew that she was worse than anything or anyone I had ever faced before, she made Ares look like cuddly little teddy bear. She had green skin, snakes in her hair like medusa, a human head and upper half, and a dragon bottom half. She had long, sharp fangs and claws, a forked tongue and huge reptilian wings. In the middle of her body, where her human and dragon side met, were various mutated predator, animal heads that made a belt of sorts. Vipers sprouted from her legs, she had a poisonous scorpion tail dripping in venom, and blinked sideways. Her vocal chords emitted a deep rumbling, and I realized she was laughing at me.

Annabeth appeared by my side, and I brandished Riptide, and the laughing stopped, a snarl escaping the monster's throat.

"This might be it," she said.

"Could be."

"Nice fighting with you, Seaweed Brain."

"Ditto."

" _NO!"_ I shouted. We didn't have the time to talk, demigods were dying, and each second mattered. " _Stop talking!"_ They couldn't hear me, I knew, and I couldn't help but feel bad, knowing what was coming.

Together we leaped into the monster's path. Kampê hissed and sliced at us. I dodged, trying to distract her, while Annabeth went in for a strike, but the monster seemed able to fight with both hands independently. She blocked Annabeth's sword, and Annabeth had to jump back to avoid the cloud of poison. Just being near the thing was like standing in an acid fog. My eyes burned. My lungs couldn't get enough air. I knew we couldn't stand our ground for more than a few seconds. She slammed into us and we fell, she stood victoriously above us, her scimitars glinting in the afternoon sunlight. I covered Annabeth like a human shield, and braced myself for the blow.

It never came, a black blur I recognized as Mrs. O'Leary had come out of nowhere and slammed into the monster, sending them tumbling to my right. Why was Mrs. O'Leary here, isn't she Daedalus' pet? I thought. My musings were interrupted when I realized that Daedalus was in fact standing in front of us, pulling us up to our feet. He spoke "I brought someone to help," hope sparkling in his tired blue eyes.

"You came… to help us?" Said Annabeth. Daedalus nodded.

"No offence," I said, "but one hellhound won't really make a huge dent in their army."

He chuckled, "I didn't mean Mrs. O'Leary." He pointed to the Labyrinth entrance where Briares was standing, hurling rocks in all of his hundred hands at Kampe. We watched in shock and amazement as he completely decimated Kampe with rocks. The campers cheered, and morale boosted I shouted "For Olympus!" The demigods echoed the cry and charged into battle with renewed vigor.

I was slashing, hacking, and stabbing any monster that came into my path when a Laistrygonian giant tried to sneak up on me. I faltered, I couldn't kill it, it was so small for its species and the look in its eyes reminded me too much of Tyson, and before I was about to decapitate it, I swung lower and flipped to the flat of my blade, simply smacking it out of my way. _"NOOO,"_ I shouted to me, _"Kill it! Turn back!"_ Again, past-me paid no attention and continued fighting. In my peripheral vision, I saw it try to do the same thing on another demigod, Lee Fletcher. "Lee, look out behind you, giant!" I shouted. Lee turned, but armed with only a bow and arrow, there wasn't much he could do. With me standing so far away, I could do nothing but watch as the giant brought down its club on Lee's head, and he crumpled to the ground.

I saw red, and my vision tunneled. I killed everything in my path to get to the Laistrygonian before stabbing it brutally in each of its limbs, sending it to Tartarus. I whirled around and stabbed a hellhound in the neck, stopping it mid-tackle and disintegrating it immediately. I was ducking, rolling, slashing and stabbing anything in my path without so much as a scratch on me. My spirits began to lift, but as I surveyed the battle field, I realized that we were still vastly outnumbered.

I saw a son of Dionysus engaging another enemy half blood, Ethan Nakamura, who was clearly getting the better of him. I ran towards them, but Ethan had stabbed him in the stomach, and I knew he was dead. This was my fault. I could have, should have, killed Ethan in the labyrinth. I spared his life a multiple times, and he had no qualms about doing the same thing for any of us. In the pit of my stomach, I knew that this was my fault. Something inside me broke.

The only thing that stopped me from skewering Ethan like a shish kabob was Grover's Panic sending the enemy fleeing.

Lee was dead. Castor, the son of Dionysus was dead, and I had never even got to know his name when he was alive. So many others, dead. But me? Alive and well, and clapping Grover on the back, celebrating a victory.

The next part, I know was not a past memory.

Lee's ghost rose out of his shroud, and looked at me, not the me celebrating with Grover but the me watching all this unfold. The shine in his bright blue eyes was gone, and I thought perhaps he was possessed, but then I heard his voice. This was Lee Fletcher, former head of the Apollo Cabin's ghost talking to me.

"Your fault. My death. Castor's death. All there deaths," I tried to speak but no words would come out as he continued. Images of Zoe, and Bianca flashd through my mind.

"You showed mercy on the enemies who did no such thing for us. Our deaths should not have happened, if it weren't for you taking pity upon the enemy." It felt like someone had just punched me in my solar plexus and I doubled over. His words felt like blows, and I knew it only hurt because he was telling the truth.

I felt a lump in my throat, as I tried to speak to him, "Lee, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so, sorry. I-I couldn't kill them. I-"

"But you let them kill me." He interrupted, venom dripping from each word he spoke. I winced, the lump in my throat growing larger and larger.

"I never knew it was going to kill you, if I did I would've killed it. I swear on the Styx"

Lee laughed at that, it wasn't a nice laugh, but a cold, mirthless laugh. "You're trying to tell me that you seriously thought that because you took pity on a monster or half-blood, that they would stop fighting us? That because you just smacked a giant away, instead of killing it, it should spare the other campers. That's just rich, Jackson."

I knew he was right, there was no good reason for me to spare the Laistrygonian, or Ethan, other than the fact that I just felt bad killing them.

"You're right," I croaked, "It was my fault. I should have killed it and stopped it from harming anyone else."

He sneered at me, "You're pathetic." Castor too, rose out of his shroud and spoke just four, bone chilling words, that I knew were going to pop up in my nightmares for as long as I lived. "Your responsibility. Your fault."

I sank to my knees and cried, letting the tears flow freely down my tan cheeks. I tried to force down the lump in my throat, but to no avail. I wanted to apologize to him, scream that I would do anything to change the past. But I couldn't speak.

As I woke up from the nightmare, Lee and Castor's words were seared into my mind.

Annabeth was shaking me, looking concerned, "Percy, wake up. You're having nightmares again."

I got up and looked around, we had fallen asleep on the couch. "No worries Annabeth, just a dream." I said weakly.

Annabeth looked at me, clearly not buying it, "This is two days in a row, are you dreaming about Tartarus again?"

I could barely speak, my lips as dry as parchment paper and I murmured a soft "No."

"Perseus Jackson, you're going to tell me what these dreams are about right now."

I flinched under Annabeth's glare, and said "It's about L-" I stopped, I couldn't tell Annabeth. I knew what would happen if I told her. She would try and tell me some of it was her fault, to relieve some of the burden off of me, and I couldn't let that happen. This was my fault, my burden to carry, and my burden to carry alone.

"Percy, do you not trust me?" Annabeth asked, looking slightly hurt. My eyes widened, this was _not_ how I wanted my morning to go.

"Annabeth, I love you and trust you, it's just, I have to deal with this myself, for your sake." I said.

"Is it about me?" Asked Annabeth.

"Not at all."

"Is it about another girl?"

"Gods no, Annabeth what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking I don't like you hiding things from me. If you're going through something, I want to help you through it."

My heart fluttered at her sweet words, but I knew in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't tell her. I couldn't have her shoulder the burden of my mistakes. I tried to distract her instead. I faked an energetic tone and said, "Come on Annabeth, we're going to be late for school!"

"It's a Saturday, Seaweed Brain." She rolled her eyes at me.

Rats, I thought, as I struggled to think of a distraction. I looked at her face, and my eyes caught on her lips. I stepped towards her, my hands wrapping around her waist, "Seaweed Brain, what are you-" I closed the gap and kissed her. "P-p-oomph" She resisted at first, but melted into the kiss, her hands running through my tousled raven hair. We moved onto the couch, with Annabeth rolling on top of me, deepening the kiss. Annabeth began to move lower, but I stopped her, I just didn't feel right.

She looked down at me, a little irritated, "Percy you are being so weird today."

"I can't do this right now." I hoped to sound like I was just tired, but it came out more like I was scared.

"You kissed _me_ , not the other way around. Why'd you kiss me in the first place then?" I could see she figured it out as a hurt look passed over her face, before being replaced with a glare.

"You kissed me, to try and distract me from your stupid nightmare? Gods, I was just trying to be nice to you, but if you can't trust me enough to tell me, then just say it. Don't go behind my back!" She ranted. I cut her off, deciding I'd tell her what I could.

"You want to know what's bothering me Annabeth?" I asked, in truth I didn't really know what it was, or what I was going to say. I had made peace with my friends death's and just had a bad dream, but there was something eating away at me that I just couldn't figure out.

Annabeth looked at me expectantly, I faltered. I'd tell her a watered down version. "I dreamt of the battle of the labyrinth two summers ago. It was just a stupid dream. I guess I just feel guilty about letting so many people die." I winced, remembering Castor's words. "I was responsible for them Annabeth, and I let them down. I'm a failure."

Annabeth's glare softened, and she pulled me in for a hug. She held her arms out for a hug, and I leaned in, furiously blinking back tears so Annabeth couldn't see. She held me for a few seconds, and then murmured, "You're a hero Seaweed Brain, but you can't save everybody."

"But I have too. I hate seeing them die."

"Is that what you see?" She asked.

"Yeah, every night, I relive all the deaths I've ever seen. Last night it was the labyrinth. The night before was even worse, I held Zoe as she died, and saw Bianca fall lifeless at the hands of Talos. Their ghosts visit me." I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

Annabeth saw my discomfort, and I could tell she wanted to ask more questions, but was debating whether or not it was a good idea. "What else do you want to know, I'm talking now aren't I?"

Annabeth pursed her lips, "Percy I'm sorry for pressuring you, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to…"

I realized I had been silent for a long time, Annabeth staring at me with a look of concern. When I spoke, my voice was choked.

"I'm going to New Rome University next fall." I said, trying to keep my voice even.

Annabeth responded slowly, as if talking to a small child. "So am I Percy, now what does New Rome University have to do with Zoe and Bianca?"

"Then we'll settle down in San Francisco."

Her eyes, widened, and I thought she had caught on to what I was implying "Is this about our conversation last night, oh gods, Percy-" She bit her lip, she was thinking that she'd scared me with all her talk about the future. She didn't get my point.

"We'll have kids. We'll have a pet. We'll have business. We'll have a house. We'll grow old together. It's not right." I continued.

"Seaweed Brain, are you trying to break up with me? Because to me, and to you last night, that sounded like a dream come true." She sounded frustrated, and I couldn't blame her. But I also couldn't bring myself to tell her why I was so upset about our future. I just hoped she'd figure it out soon.

"It is. It's just, I don't deserve it"

"We've been through hell and back, and saved the world twice, I'd say we _really_ deserve it." Annabeth lost her patience. "Enough with your vague hints, I want you to stop being such a coward, man up and tell me what you have to say."

"I…I should be dead."

Her eyes widened. But I couldn't stop, it was like a dam, once the floodgates open, it's all coming out. I had a dam hole. I smiled at that, I remembered Zoe never understood that pun. My smile turned wistful and sad, as I realized I never got to explain that joke to Zoe, and I never would, she was dead. Because I had let her down.

"I don't deserve to go to New Rome University. I should have died, saving them. They should be going to New Rome. Beckendorf should be in his second year of university with Silena. Bianca and Zoe should be in the hunt. Lee Fletcher should be in his senior year of high school. Castor should be hanging out with Pollux at camp half blood. Michael Yew should be in his first year of university. Bob and Damasen should be seeing the stars. "

My voice was slowly rising in volume, I was hysterical. "So many more. But instead, I'm here. I'm with you and they're all sitting in the Underworld. I get a future, I get the best girlfriend in the world, I get a great family. I never sacrificed myself. I failed them. I was responsible for them. But I failed. I'm pathetic. It should have been me, Annabeth, I know it."

Annabeth stalked over to me, and I had no clue what she was about to do. She punched me in the face. I stared at her, confusion, shock and betrayal in my expression, but she didn't relent, not an inch. She pushed me to the ground, and got dangerously close to my face. "What about me, Percy? You would just leave me? What would I do without you?"

I brushed some of the bangs out of her face with my fingers so I could look into her eyes. "You would move on, Annabeth, you moved on from Luke, you'll move on from me."

"Never say that again." I could see tears forming in her eyes. "I love you. I need you"

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't talk, that stupid lump in my throat. But Annabeth said she needed me, I couldn't let her down, like I have so many others. Soon enough, Annabeth was in my arms hitting me weakly, telling me how stupid I was.

I couldn't bring my dead friends back. I couldn't go back in time. I had to live in the present. I would honor their memories. I would train every day to become the greatest fighter of my generation, to make sure as few people got hurt. I would make sure nothing ever happened to my Wise Girl.

"Hey Wise Girl."

"What?" She asked, looking up at me.

"I will never, ever let anything happen to you. I don't deserve this life, but as long as I have it, I'm going to savour it, and live it to its fullest extent."

She smiled at me, glad to see I was returning to normal. "You sound like such a Seaweed Brain."

"I'm going to live life to its fullest." I repeated. I grabbed her in my arms, and carried her bridal style to my bedroom, and told her, "And there's nothing that makes me feel more alive, than being with you."

She giggled, "You're so damn corny." I smiled and threw her onto my bed playfully, "But you love me anyway." I replied, wiggling my eyebrows.

"Now shut up and kiss me." She ordered. I closed my bedroom door and happily obliged her request.

FIN

-LINEBREAK-

I like to write my stories in one sitting. I wrote this on my phone, so please forgive me for any grammatical errors. Tell me what to write next. If you guys want to see a part two, or this type of story with different couples just tell me.

Should I do a light percabeth thing? I'm thinking of doing a BURNING MAZE SPOILER AHEAD

Jason's funeral story and what each person who's there thought of Jason.

I was also thinking of doing a Percy blood control fic, but that wouldn't be just a oneshot it would be a full long story.

Please leave me a review, let me know if you liked it, disliked, it, loved it, hated it, and ideas you might have for me.


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